Where did the muskrat go?
by HappyhampsterGas
Summary: Part three up, see what happens to people who flame us! so watch out! It is about ronniepoo and others....it is GREEEEEAT! It is very very very very odd
1. Default Chapter

LALALALA SAID THE FUNNY LOOKING COW  
  
  
  
Once upon a time. There was a little red headed seventeen year old, flying on a broomstick. On the Hogwarts playing field. He had blue eyes. Blue like water. Blue like water under glass. Blue like blue water under blue glass. Blue like my bed sheets. After a few times washed, those filthy things need a little help once in a while. My mother said I need to wash them more than once a year. Anyways… He was flying fast! Flying FAR! Flying like a turtle in water. Blue water. Well, he was flying. All alone except for the thoughts floating around in his head. All of a sudden, a girl with light brown hair with brown eyeballs came out, screaming "Ron! Ron! Oh Ron! Give it to me, Ron! Come back to me Ron! Oh, Ron! Rooon! You are such a man!" Ron stopped in midair.  
  
"I can't Hermione, I can't! I can't love you the way you love me. Cho has my heart, and she's holding it like a fat man holds buttered toast. I must leave you Hermy! Leave you alone for the pigeons to eat like the crumbs sprinkled by the old ladies in the park."  
  
"Oh Ron!" Hermione ripped off her shirt. "I'm pregnant with your child!" Ron stopped in midair.  
  
"but I never slept with you!" he stuttered.  
  
"well, remember that one time in the common room? You thought it was just a dream didn't you? Well, you were sleeping…"  
  
"I never!"  
  
"yes!"  
  
"no!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"no!"  
  
"oh wait, that was Malfoy. Never mind. Where is that silly boy?" Ron flew past her into the woods. Now he was completely alone. Suddenly, Harry appeared naked.  
  
"Hey, Ron my good chap!"  
  
"Harry, why are you naked?" Harry turned bright red.  
  
"Well… you see… I got bored so I striped and dived into this pond over here." He pointed at a little stream. There was a sign covered with ivy. Ron landed his broom and pushed the ivy away.  
  
"Harry, this sign says: "magical chipmunk pond. All who submerge their private parts here will become talking muskrats."" Harry shrugged and said  
  
"If I'm going to turn into a muskrat, why is it called Chipmunk pond?"  
  
"well you see Harry we're all cats" said a small but strange voice coming from Harry's….ummm…well you know… his nose! Magically Voldemort came out of Ron's butt! "Who wants smoothies?" Voldemort called. " I would love a smoothie" Harry said happily while jumping up in the air and dancing like a dieing fish on a hot summers day. Suddenly, a chrystal light burst from Harry's chest. He floated in the air like the beast at the end of the movie, beauty and the beast. Suddenly, in midair, Harry let a loud fart and exploded. When the smoke cleared, there stood a purple muskrat.  
  
"What was that all about?" Harry demanded. Ron and Voldemort looked at eachother. Then Ron stepped forward and kicked the muskrat far! Fast! Over the meadow and through the woods, until Harry the muskrat was a tiny speck in the blue, blue sky.  
  
"would you care to dance?" asked Voldemort.  
  
"I would ever so love to!" shouted Ron ecstatically. "Would you like to date my sister, she's one hot number!" Voldemort blushed.  
  
"Call me Voldie." Then voldemort turned into a fluffy pink bunny, hopped away into the dark forest. Suddenly, Ron heard a loud "BOOM!" and a squeal. and he knew, that Voldemort would never live to dance again. 


	2. part two the saga continues

Chp.2  
  
The pophoefernada!  
  
Note: Sandwich girl is my bestest friend ever! I can't spell or write, so we wrote this together. So pooh on all that wiggles and doom to all that does not hale to the jello king, SIMBA!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile Hermione was looking for her love, her true love, the only one, the only one EVER! She was searching for Draco Malfoy. She liked the way he ate tuna fish sandwiches. It was magical. Suddenly, Hermione felt something hit her in the back. She had been cursed! Just before she dropped to the ground she saw a face, a beautiful face! A very, very, very beautiful face… it was that face… of… ummm… Neville Longbottom!  
  
"I'm sorry I had to do this Hermione. I had to pee. And you were in my way. And you smell so great! I just have to take you for my wife. And we'll eat barbequed cats at our wedding service!" And Neville took Hermione's stiff body in his strong muscular arms and moved her out of the way so he could get to the bathroom to pee.  
  
Hermione woke up 3 hours later in the hallway with a head sticking out of the toilet next to her.  
  
"Hermione! I have been looking all over for you!!!" Hermione had heard that voice many times. It was her lover! Her muse! The father of her child! It was Draco! Draco Malfoy, the man of many hairs upon his head. She had longed to hear that name for many, many days, and now she had!  
  
"Draco, my love!"  
  
"Hermione, my desire!"  
  
"Draco my one and only!"  
  
"Hermione, my sweet potato!"  
  
"Draco, my hamster pal!"  
  
"Hermione my desk humper"  
  
"Draco, I want to marry you! I am carrying your child! But Neville wants me to be his own. But I want you, Draccy! You!"  
  
"And I you, Herm-Herm!" And with that, Draco climbed out of the toilet and kissed Hermione. ON THE LIPS!!! OH MY GOD!  
  
  
  
Ron went zooming about the woods. He was completely lost, and he didn't know where he was. Soon, he came across a dead cat. In the air.  
  
'HELLO!" boomed the dead cat.  
  
"Hello Mr. deadcat."  
  
"RONALD WEASLY! I AM A SIGN FROM GOD ABOVE! I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU GREAT BAD THINGS WILL SOON HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOUR TOE!"  
  
"What, great dead cat from God?"  
  
"SOON IT WILL TURN BRIGHT GREEN AND SPROUT WINGS AND FLY AWAY, LEAVING YOU TOE-LESS!!!'  
  
"Oh no! Is there anything I can do?"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" And with one little "pop" it was gone! And Ron magically appeared on someone's bed. Whose bed? Well, you will soon find out.  
  
"What the great green paisleys are you doing in my beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed?!" screamed professor Snape wearing purple lingerie.  
  
"I have come to make passionate love to you and your little dog too!" what? Why did he say that? Ron didn't know!  
  
"Fifty points to Gryffindor!"  
  
  
  
Cliffhanger! I Love peas! 


	3. I LIKE ROTTEN PEACH JUICE

Chap. 3  
  
The unhappy fart  
  
Authors note: I am a dead hamburger that likes sniffing cat peeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  
  
  
  
Snape's bony, pearly white, gross, nasty, hand reached out and stroked Ron's cheek. Ron noticed it was sparkly. And shiny. Like a shaved cat. After a few minutes of snake kissing Ron's toes, Ron finally come back to his senses he looked down to the man gross thingy in front of him and screamed  
  
" WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING TO BE YOU FAT CAT SNIFFER, I HATE YOU YOU'RE A PIE WITH NO CRUST, YOU'RE A UNGROOVY HIPPIE, GET AWAY AND GET AWAY NOW BEFORE I PEE ON YOUR FACE."  
  
"But Roniekines I love you" snape replied sadly.  
  
" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU SICKO. Suddenly Ron noticed what Snape was wearing and he turned and threw up, yes he did, he threw up many times, his barf had many things in it, including: little carrots, corndogs, cat food, and his favorite squirrel droppings. " WHAT THE GOD'S NAME ARE YOU WEARING, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU PAID A VISIT TO MY GRANDMOTHERS GRAVE AND DUG UP HER PANTIES AND WORE THEM, YOUR SICK!" Ron got up and kicked Snape in the balls. All of a sudden, Snape turned into the dead cat Ron had seen in the woods.  
  
"YOU HAVE BETRAYED MEEEEEEEEE!!!" the cat boomed. The sound filled Ron's ears with… sound… "NOW YOU WILL PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!' With that, Ron's toe, turned green, sprouted wings and flew away. Ron wept; because he knew he could no longer wear thong sandals, or model foot wear ever again.  
  
Read our next chapter to find out what had happened to Hermione and Draco!!! 


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